Who's In It: Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church, Ken Jeong
The Basics: A crossword puzzle creator with no concept of how human beings interact (don't get too smart, ladies, it could happen to you!) meets a CNN cameraman she thinks is hot. After sexually assaulting him in his van, she begins stalking him all over the country. Then she meets new friends who are protesting at the possible amputation of a three-legged infant and they tag along with her, then there's a tornado and storm of bugs and then a group of deaf children fall down a mine shaft and then--I'm sorry, you think I'm kidding, don't you? But no, this is really what happens in this movie.
What's The Deal: Let's say you're the kind of person who has a morbid curiosity for films that defy logic, the ones that blow your mind with their badness. Then I can wholeheartedly recommend you see this one. Because it's not just bad, it's baffling. It's the kind of film where you wonder who was calling the shots, who saw the dailies and said out loud, "YES, THIS IS WHAT WE WANT!" The kind produced by its star, who clearly thinks she's made an entirely different sort of comedy. I mean, it's not as dizzying as something truly outsider like The Room, but for studio product it's a close cousin.
Who Has Genuinely Funny Moments: Besides the times you're laughing when people are being heartfelt and serious in the last act concerning deaf children down a mineshaft, Thomas Haden Church, as a blowhard TV anchor, gets funny lines and seems to be commenting on the film itself. Or maybe I'm just wishing he was doing that. I honestly don't know what I think after witnessing something like this.
From The Screenwriter Of: License to Wed. Did you catch that one? You should, if for no other reason than to see the mechanical baby anuses that squirt fake blue poop. Again, not making that up.
For The Record, I Take It All Back: Earlier this week I wrote an article for another website about how much I like Sandra Bullock movies, even the bad ones. I have no excuse for this fandom. I just find her appealing and I'm willing to endure a certain level of badness just to hang out with her on that level. It's weird, I know, but you have actors you feel like that about, too, and you can't explain it either. That's why they're movie stars. Anyway, I had weirdly misguided hopes for this film, like she'd be a really unhinged stalker and not someone who learns to love and accept herself and have huge throngs of people hoisting her onto their shoulders at the end. I've been wrong before. But this is maybe the wronger-wrongest I've ever been.