Dave's Rating:

1.0

Like, it's actually going to be endless.

Who's in It: Jim Sturgess, Evan Rachel Wood, Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs, Martin Luther, T.V. Carpio, Bono, Eddie Izzard, Salma Hayek

The Basics: The '60s were so wild! Weren't they wild?! They sure were. Just crazy. Crazy wild. Yep, it didn't get any wilder than the good ol' 1960s. Far out and wild … no, I don't have anything else to add to that. Actually, I did have something here I've been working on. I've been stringing together old Beatles songs, thinking they might make a good script for a movie. Yeah, I know the Bee Gees did that once, too. Look, it's time someone did it the right way. My lead character is named Jude, like in "Hey, Jude." I know, clever, right? And guess what his girlfriend's name is? Lucy! Like in the sky! With diamonds! I kill me.

What's the Deal? Oh, and hey, I've decided that all the people in the movie will have Beatles song names. Like JoJo and Prudence and Maxwell and Mr. Kite. So when they sing "Dear Prudence," it's going to be actually sung to a girl named Prudence! Oh, you mean the Bee Gees did that, too? There was a character named Strawberry Fields in their movie? Well, NOT IN MINE! See how mine's going to be way better? And the story will be about, I don't know, whatever, love and protests and war and getting your mind blown. And racism, too. And drugs. And love. Did I say love already? That. But look, what it's about is not all that important. Seriously. This is going to be art.

Oh, Good, Bono's Here: Let's get Bono to sing "I Am the Walrus." And we'll turn it all trippy and psychedelic and make everything a different color. Like the sky will be green and the grass blue. And Bono can just ad-lib some rhyming dialogue when he's not singing. He's rock's greatest living practitioner, don't you think? It's like he's almost the Jesus of it. So he's definitely in the film, and he will be seriously amazing.

Running Time Considerations Are for Squares: Look, it would be disrespectful to the Beatles to allow even one of their holy, anointed songs to be omitted from this project. And that's why it's not going to have an ending. It's going to go on forever. Like, it's actually going to be endless. People can walk out of it and come back in a week, and it'll still be going. It won't be a film; it'll be a happening. It's time to kick that nine-hour Shoah movie's butt.

Other Ways in Which It Will Bear No Resemblance to Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Starring Peter Frampton: No robot, no disco versions of songs, no Carol Channing, no Aerosmith, no singing Steve Martin.

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Comments (2)

Gene Case - 2-03-2012 11:05 PM
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You're so wrong. You seem to mistake cynicism for cleverness.

Chase Crowe - 2-17-2013 11:42 PM
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No reason to be so harsh about it. I see where you're going with the never ending thing but being sarcastic? Really grow up man

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