Dave's Rating:


… creepy and dumb …

Who's in It: Anastasia Hille, Karel Roden, Valentin Ganev, Carlos Reig-Plaza

The Basics: A Los Angeles movie producer flies to Russia because she's been summoned by … a notary. Yes, a notary. As if any producer other than one involved in Internet porn wouldn't send an assistant or lawyer to an appointment like that. So she goes to Russia to meet this high-powered notary, and he tells her she's just inherited an abandoned farm. It's on an island. All alone. In the woods. And people were murdered there. Her biological family, in fact. She goes there, and she meets a Russian guy who claims to be her twin brother. She also meets the zombie version of herself. It turns out that the house wants them back to kill them both, and that Zombie Her is from THE FUTURE!

What's the Deal? I know you think I just spoiled this whole movie for you, but I really didn't. There's so much more cracked nonsense going on that I couldn't spoil this movie if I tried. It's so stupid its title must be referring to the abandonment of logic somewhere on the first half-dozen pages of the script — though that doesn't mean it's not fun to watch. It's creepy and dumb, full of dread and dopey dialogue like, "We are haunting ourselves!" There are worse bad films to spend your money on.

What's Cool About It: The parts that it blatantly steals from The Blair Witch Project — like the woods setting, the grotesquely broken down old house/murder site, even a shot of the twin brother's back as he disappears into a corner closet (more or less the final image of Blair, if you recall). It's a spooky joint, and it's shot to make you wonder out loud why this woman bothers to spend even three seconds there, much less investigate the terrifying, water-filled basement after she's been attacked by — and I kind of love writing this — Zombie Her from THE FUTURE!

Other Cool Stuff: Self-administered surgeries, flashlights that time travel, short running time.

Dim All the Lights: A few years ago, there was this really fascinating documentary called Power Trip, about the electricity crisis in Georgia (formerly part of the Soviet Union) and about how people there do not take electricity for granted at all, because they just can't get it a lot of the time. I couldn't help but think of that while I watched this one, which is shot almost entirely in the dark, and wonder if somehow this wasn't, on some level, some sort of socialist horror film about how capitalism has ruined the once great Soviet state. I mean, I know it's not about that, but you can read anything any way you want most of the time.


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