Let's just cut right to it: While speaking to the LA Times, Vin Diesel said that he wouldn't "be surprised" if there was "some Oscar talk" surrounding Fast Five. He went on to admit that the idea of there ever being Oscar talk for the fifth installment in the Fast and the Furious franchise came from some "guy at Channel 7," which I guess is all fine and good for those people who don't watch Channel 7 because its talent thinks movies like Fast Five deserve Oscars.
But let's not trash Diesel for his opinion. The film opened to record numbers at the end of April, and continues to do solid business ($333 million worldwide). Not only that, but critics actually liked the thing, awarding it a 79% Fresh rating over at Rotten Tomatoes. So maybe Diesel is onto something here. After all, guys like fast cars, and girls like guys who like fast cars. It's the perfect recipe for success at the box office, but is the combo of Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson a perfect recipe for success with Oscar voters?
Probably not. Okay, definitely not. But that Jordana Brewster is something, huh?
Anyway, this got us thinking about the types of Oscars that would have to exist in order for Fast Five to actually be in contention for one. We'll leave all the creative submissions to those folks who've seen the film a gazillion times by now. All I ask is that you come up with an award that can make the following line of Fast Five dialogue eligible for a nomination: "My legs open the same time I pull this trigger. Would you like me to open them?"