The Worst Rap Songs Written for Movies, Vol. 1

The Worst Rap Songs Written for Movies, Vol. 1

Aug 20, 2012

10. Wild Wild West (1999) -- This is basically Will Smith babbling nonsense lyrics over top of a fairly slick remix of Stevie Wonder's blissfuly funky "I Wish." Forward to the 43-second mark if you need evidence that Will Smith is hardly the world's most scintillating lyricist.

9. Ghostbusters 2 (1989) -- This one's not a full rap song, but it's still more than annoying enough to warrant inclusion. And speaking as a guy who lived through this era, yea, Bobby Brown's voice has always been annoying. Special note: Erik Davis got slightly angry when I told him I was including this song.

8. Men in Black 2 (2002) -- I hate to pick on Will Smith, honestly, because we're both from Philadelphia and... that's really the only reason, but he's simply not at his most creative when he's writing his contractually mandated, rap-song, Happy Meal tie-ins. Jokes aside, the man has written some fun tracks, but yeesh, nothing about Men in Black 2 doesn't suck.

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) -- T-U-R-T-L-E POWER! T-U-R-T-L-E POWER! (repeat nine times) There. Even if you refuse to click play on the video below, you now have this horrid, horrid non-song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Unless you've never seen this movie, in which case you're probably humming a James Bond song. Lucky you.

6. Godzilla (1999) -- What's worse than Puffy angrily ranting over top of Led Zeppelin's brilliant "Kashmir" licks? Getting Jimmy Page to play along would be worse. Also letting the song run for six tragic minutes would be worse. And for the worst, go watch the movie directly after this punishment of a song concludes.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)  -- There is pop culture detritus. And then there is stuff like this. Wow! Say it ain't so, Fat Boys!

4. Dragnet (1987) -- Beyond interminable. And the worst part? I liked it when I was 16! Why did I even admit that? I don't know! Tom Hanks rapping with Dan Aykroyd made me do it!

3. Deep Blue Sea (1999) -- Apparently LL Cool J's head is so much like a shark's fin that he dedicated an entire song to it. I love Mr. Cool J, and I love the dumbly entertaining Deep Blue Sea, but this song is like a final layer of stupidness in a sandwich made of moron.

2. The Addams Family (1991) -- If you can find a lazier, chintzier, clunkier... just stop. Please don't watch this. Just skip to number one. (Last warning: MC Hammer in MC Hammer pants.)

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) -- When I broached the topic of "worst movie rap songs" on my very uneventful twitter feed, it soon became clear that this Vanilla Ice "performance" was the fan favorite of movie-rap mega-trash. The lack of creative effort simply dribbles off the screen like so much hair gel. Frankly I'm stunned to see such shoddy work from a noted perfectionist like Vanilla Ice.

Please forgive me for subjecting you to that stuff. Some of us lived through it, and it's only fair that you should too. We already have a few videos tucked away for Volume 2, but please do rap your suggestions through the comments section below, the twitter feed, and/or the one belonging to the author of this article: me

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