Welcome back to our second (and final) installment in our Worst of 2009 wrap-up. If you tuned in last week, you saw Megan Fox and Michael Bay win Worst Celebrity Feud, Sandra Bullock (All About Steve) win Worst Female Performance, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen win Worst Sequel, Brad Pitt win Worst Celebrity Facial Hair, and Paul Rust and Hayden Panettiere (I Love You, Beth Cooper) win Worst On-Screen Duo.
But you didn’t think we’d stop there, right? Not when there’s still so much crapola to honor before the ball drops in Times Square. So, here now is the highly anticipated conclusion of our World Famous Worst of 2009 Awards Extravaganza!
Worst Celebrity – Megan Fox
Sure, she’s sexy and seductive – we’ll give her that. But then Megan Fox began opening up her mouth on screen and off screen, and we eventually came to the realization that she belongs in shampoo commercials and not starring in the year’s biggest films. Here’s hoping Megan Fox’s 15 minutes of fame have already ticked away.
Worst Male Performance – Sam Worthington in Terminator Salvation and Avatar
For some reason Hollywood thought Sam Worthington was the next great action star – so much so that they stuck him in one blockbuster after another, these two in 2009 alone. Then the truth comes out--Worthington is about as captivating as your little niece's pet rock.
Worst Movie Character – Paul Blart the Mall Cop
Though it was widely popular with moviegoers and movie renters, that still doesn’t make up for the fact that I’ve had month-old garbage that’s smelled better than this flick. Kevin James’ Paul Blart was stupid, juvenile and not all that entertaining.
Worst Attempt at Making Lots of Money by Humiliating Yourself and Others – Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno
Audiences across the globe fell in love with Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat when it first came out, partly because it was a fresh spin on the gotcha-disguise type of comedy, but also because it actually had something to say about our fears and prejudices. Bruno, Cohen’s gay Austrian fashion reporter alter ego, just wasn’t as new or as fascinating as Borat. Folks didn’t seem all that interested in watching the actor expose America’s homophobia because, well, it’s nothing we haven’t already seen.
Worst Movie – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
If it seems like we're picking on this movie and everyone associated with it, well, we are. Michael Bay’s follow-up to his original live-action Transformers
movie was like tacky porn for action buffs. I’ll admit that Bay has mastered the art of creating a teenage male’s wet dream on the screen, but its confusing plot, racist robots, half-naked actresses and over-the-top-and-then-some special effects were enough to place the rest of us in a temporary state of idiocy.
And that brings our Worst of 2009 Awards to a close. Here’s hoping Hollywood will learn from their mistakes in the new year (as if …).