"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank."
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
"A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio."
"I can levitate birds. No one cares."
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."
"I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social."
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
[image via Neatorama]