Who Needs IMAX, 3-D and the Rest of It? And Um...Saw the Ride?

Who Needs IMAX, 3-D and the Rest of It? And Um...Saw the Ride?

Jul 30, 2009


So what gives with 3-D, IMAX and the new moviegoing experience?

I don’t get it.

Well, no, I get it – but I don’t “get” it. Am I supposed to be excited by 3-D? I remember when going to the movies meant sitting down in a darkened theater with candy of my choice and watching a new film. Now that’s not good enough – we need to wear heavy-duty glasses and we're unhappy if the movie isn't showing on a 75-foot-high screen. In some cases our seats even vibrate during certain scenes in an attempt to enhance the moviegoing experience. In Asia they’ve started using Smell-O-Vision, pumping an assortment of aromas into the air while the film is playing. Man, wouldn’t something like that come in handy during Funeral Parlor: The Movie? But anyway ...

Why can’t we just go to the movies anymore without incorporating several ridiculous elements into our watching of said movie? Instead of saying, “ Gee, I think I’ll catch that flick tonight,” we’re now saying, “Gee, I think I’ll see that motion-captured digital 3-D IMAX movie with luxury seats tonight for double the price and triple the annoyance.”

In my opinion, the only thing 3-D or IMAX increases is the amount of money leaving your wallet. And I’m not trying to sound like a grumpy old man or anything because I’m not grumpy or old (though I am going bald) – the fact is there’s something warm, familiar and comfortable about watching movies without all that added stuff. Once you introduce a gimmick, you lose the substance because in most cases it then becomes about this new, hip way to watch movies – instead of about the movie itself.

If I wanted to drop $45 on junk food and a headache, I’d go spend the day at the mall with my in-laws. How long will it be before we’re hanging from the ceiling by our feet and watching movies upside down? Seriously, what's next, and should I buy the body armor now?

Because What Las Vegas Really Needed was Saw: The Ride … Finally! Just when we were getting a little tired of Las Vegas and its hookers, drugs, gambling addicts and money robbers (aka casinos), Circus Circus has announced that they’ll be hosting a real-life attraction based on the Saw franchise so that folks over the age of 12 can … find out what it’s like to be brutally tortured to death?

I wish I was kidding about this one. Fright Dome, which the Las Vegas Sun describes as “a vast playground of teen anarchy, a post-apocalyptic mall, [and] a massive make-out palace in the fog-filled near dark,” is now teasing the attraction (due to arrive at some point before the new sequel) in October. According to Fright Dome's owner, “The Saw films cut to the core of human fear and we're using that to its fullest potential."

Awesome! Now, while mom and dad are boozing it up at the casino, Junior can learn how to create a hideous life-threatening razor-lined knife-trap to stick his little sister in.

You know what they say: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas … until the cops find out where you live.

Categories: WTF, Hollywood!?
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