Most people don’t even know it’s awards season until their morning talk show host randomly turns into Justin Timberlake in a really large pair of ugly glasses right as he’s about to read off the nominations for this year’s Golden Globe Awards. It’s at that moment where everyone suddenly stops what they’re doing in order to calmly form a mental checklist of dull indies to see before the Academy Awards roll around.
Of course, Hollywood execs, agents and managers begin campaigning for Oscars from the moment they leave the womb. And like any scenario where folks need a majority vote in order to win, there’s a boatload of shady activities taking place. So, here now are my picks for what I like to call … The You Should Be Ashamed of Yourselves Awards!
And the award for Best Use of Attempting to Buy Your Friend a Nomination goes to …
… Leonardo DiCaprio for actually trying to buy Tobey Maguire a Golden Globe nomination with a bunch of Blu-ray players. (And here I just thought they were great stocking stuffers!) Here are the facts: Leonardo DiCaprio hosted a huge party in honor of Maguire and his gut-wrenching, anti-bromance role in Brothers, and then invited 15 members of the Hollywood Foreign Press (the group that votes on the Golden Globes) to the little shindig. DiCaprio also gave out gift bags to all those in attendance, and said gift bags included a swanky new Blu-ray player. Apparently after folks found out about this, the 15 HFPA members returned the Blu-ray players. Ahem, Maguire still wound up with a nomination for his role in Brothers … so … yeah.
And the award for Why the Hell Are We Up at 5 a.m. Again? goes to …
… the various television networks for cutting deals with the Golden Globes and the Acadamy Awards making it so their morning shows can pull in a live feed of the nominations being announced. Really? 5 a.m.? I don’t even want to look at a clock at 5 a.m. let alone know who was nominated for best costume design. Give me four or five more hours to really start caring.
And the award for Most Moronic and Obnoxious Anti-Avatar Awards Protester goes to
… the dude (or dudette) who runs a blog that’s appropriately titled Stop Avatar Movie
. While this person is probably a little more concerned with stopping the film from hitting theaters than preventing it from winning awards, when it comes to morons fighting for a moronic cause, it’s all the same. So why does this person want to stop Avatar
? Because it doesn’t feature any gay, bi-sexual or transgender characters, that’s why. Yup. This is what it’s come down to, folks. And what about the hundreds of movies each year that also don’t feature any gay characters? Oh yeah, they’re not Avatar
. Whatever. Anti-idiot commercials should be created just to make sure people like this don’t exist – and I’d put that on my Christmas list, but something tells me Santa doesn’t have my warped, jaded and cynical sense of humor.
On second thought he slides down chimneys…so maybe he does.