Twilight director dumped, exclusive new Potter clips, and Daniel Craig's bizarro Bond plans

New Moon

Help Wanted Catherine Hardwicke won’t direct the Twilight sequel due to “scheduling conflicts,” Hollywood-speak that can be translated to mean any number of things, from “salary-demand conflicts” to “your-editor-and-cinematographer-did-all-the-real-work conflicts” to “we-just-don’t-like-you conflicts.” All of which have been rumored.

Jurassic Park IV

R.I.P. Here’s a list of things that are dead: Michael Crichton, dinosaurs, this sequel. I will miss one of them.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Unforgivable Curse Knock yourself out with a ton of clips and interviews. Am I the only one who’s feeling like these damn movies are a total bore at this point? I know how the story ends already. The only unknown going in to each one is how lecherous I’ll end up feeling for noticing what a fine young woman Hermione’s becoming.

Terminator Salvation

All Hail Our New Robot Overlords Obviously, the best franchise reboot ever is Batman Begins. But if this teaser is any indication, Salvation will be a super-close second. You know what kind of bugs me, though? There’s a colon missing in the title. If you say “Terminator Salvation,” you’re actually saying the movie’s about the salvation of one or several terminators. Which I’m pretty sure it’s not. It should be “Terminator: Salvation,” indicating an installment of the series about the salvation of humans.

I Love You Phillip Morris

Driver’s Ed Did you know that car crashes turn you gay? That’s what I learned by watching the French trailer for Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor’s cringe-inducing rom-com. It also taught me that all gay men are flaming shopaholics who need to commit white-collar crimes to complete their Miami Vice-style wardrobes. Eesh. No wonder Prop 8 passed.

Bond 23

Wish List Daniel Craig wants the sequel to have more signature 007 moments and offers this plot suggestion: “I want to lie on a beach for the first half an hour drinking a cocktail.” I’d settle for a comprehensible plot, a decent villain and some good action. Maybe I should just fix a drink and watch Casino Royale again.

Friday the 13th

Body Count Say what you will about all the crappy horror remakes of the last couple years; every now and then they do one right. Or at least less wrong than the others. The blood-soaked trailer’s got a nice countdown of Myers’s mayhem at Camp Crystal Lake, and showcases groundbreaking new ways to murder dumb jocks and hotties. Well played, sir!

Little Ashes

Not Just a Pretty Face That pasty Twilight kid with the cool hair plays Salvador Dali, and he's actually kind of not horrible in the trailer. Looks like he'll do better after the vampire franchise than Daniel Radcliffe post-Potter. Especially if he skips the full-frontal horse plays.

Romancing the Stone

Question: What’s less welcome than a remake of a middling ‘80s comedy about a romance novelist with a treasure map?

Arthur

Answer: Allowing the horny Brit from Forgetting Sarah Marshall to desecrate Dudley Moore’s booze-drenched masterpiece.