Star Trek vs. Star Wars: The debate ends now. Plus, stinky hippies, supermodels and a slutty Stone

Star Trek vs. Star Wars: The debate ends now. Plus, stinky hippies, supermodels and a slutty Stone

By Stacie Hougland Mar 31, 2009

1

STAR TREK
Star Shrek? Star Wars had slave-girl Princess Leia. The new Star Trek’s got … whatever this is. And thus ends the Star Trek vs. Star Wars debate.
2

TAKING WOODSTOCK
Acid Flashback It’s a simple fact: Hippies are annoying. Shockingly, this trailer for Ang Lee’s new Woodstock movie doesn’t stink like a patchouli-soaked burnout. Here’s hoping this doesn’t inspire anyone to greenlight a sequel about Woodstock ’94.
3

OBSERVE AND REPORT
F-Bomb Alert Some people say that the overuse of profanity shows a lack of creativity. To them I say, “F you.”
4

MUTANT CHRONICLES
Black to the Future Something I learned from watching the first five minutes: In the 23rd century, the world will be ruled by four corporations, one of which is called Bauhaus. I would hope that its national anthem is “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” and its citizenry are forced to wear lots of eyeliner and smoke clove cigarettes.
5

THE TIME-TRAVELER’S WIFE
Bald Is Beautiful The last of the filming was delayed due to Eric Bana’s baldness. I wish I had some cool reason for being bald, like, “Oh, I shaved my head to play Nero in the new Star Trek movie.”
6

TRON 2.0
Victoria’s Secret Some supermodel whose name isn’t really important will play a temptress vixen who lives inside the computer. I wonder if the Apple store will to see a lot of torn-apart Macbooks at the Genius Bar after movie comes out.
7

SHERLOCK HOLMES
What Up, Holmes? I’m pretty sure Sherlock didn’t wear sunglasses.
8

THE GREAT GATSBY
Eff Scott Fitzgerald With Baz Luhrmann directing, two rumors immediately emerged, one cool and one terrifying: Leo might play Nick Carraway. That’s the cool one. And it’ll be a musical. That’s the terrifying (and thankfully untrue) one.
9

PUBLIC ENEMY
Fight the Power If I had to pick a hip-hop group to be the subject matter of an animated flick, I’d pick Kid 'n Play. But that’s just me. I like awful music.
10

EASY A
Cliff’s Notes Emma Stone will star in this Scarlet Letter update about a high schooler who decides that the quickest path to popularity is to tell everyone she’s a slut. I'm totally using this scheme at work tomorrow.