It's a new year, and that means new trends for Hollywood to follow and subsequently play out faster than a Charlie Sheen
catch-phrase. With Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
and Real Steel
arriving this year, plus Robopocalypse, Voltron
and who knows what else being planned, Hollywood definitely seems obsessed with robots right now. Me, I'm not a fan of robots. I think robots are boring. Not all robots, mind you -- to this day I'm still scared one of my friends is going to turn out to be a T-1000 all of a sudden and kill me -- but robots like Voltron, Transformers and even the boxing robots in Real Steel
are just plain boring. I don't know if it's the lack of guts and gore and emotion ... okay, it's the lack of guts and gore and emotion. Watching robots fight to the death -- crunching metal, denting the hell out of one another -- is about as interesting as watching my car get an oil change. But to each their own ...
... I mean, I guess we have Hollywood's other new, hot-off-the-presses trend to fall back on: Gritty Fairy Tale Reboots. Because what's more exciting than watching a chiseled Peter Pan stab the crap out of Captain Hook while a techno beat pumps to the drops of blood off Hook's face?
When I think of gritty characters in need of an origin story, it ain't Peter Pan. Robin Hood would put an arrow through Peter Pan's hip-hoppity little head five minutes after the two were introduced. He's a kids' character, not Batman. Same goes for Hansel and Gretel (who are about to become ruthless bounty hunters) and Snow White (who will be trained in the forest on ways to kill the evil queen). When did these innocent stories from our childhood become so ripe for nastiness?
Sure, I understand the original Grimm's fairy tales were a little dark and weird, but Disney rescued them and sanitized them. Now Hollywood wants to turn them into killers. Hey, I'm all for a one-off film about Little Bo Peep and her flock of man-eating sheep, but the market has officially been flooded.