The Return of Joaquin Phoenix, Tasteless Movies, and Tanning at the Video Store

The Return of Joaquin Phoenix, Tasteless Movies, and Tanning at the Video Store

Sep 16, 2010

Joaquin Phoenix Returning to David Letterman Show Although we completely forgot about Joaquin Phoenix’s baffling appearance on The David Letterman Show a week after it aired two years ago (!), the actor-turned-rapper-turned-bearded idiot will return as a guest on the Letterman show this September 22nd. He’ll be promoting his new documentary I’m Still Here, because who doesn’t want to learn the real story behind why Phoenix allowed someone to defecate on him during the film?

Leonardo DiCaprio Randomly Buys a Tortoise When looking for a little at-home companionship, some people will buy a cat or a dog or a bird. Well, Leonardo DiCaprio buys a rare tortoise for $400 … because when you’re consistently living life in the fast lane, sometimes you need a little (or big) something to slow you down. The actor picked up the 10-year-old Sulcata tortoise at a trade show over the weekend. Leo apparently asked for the biggest tortoise they had and was given one that can weigh up to 200 pounds. That’s at least 100 more than his latest anorexic model girlfriend.

Uwe Boll Defends Tasteless Auschwitz Movie In an effort to piss off the millions of people who wouldn’t pay to see any of his movies if their life depended on it, infamous director Uwe Boll has decided to make a movie about a day in the life of the concentration camp Auschwitz, back when it was being used by the Nazis as a slaughterhouse. While defending a trailer for the film that opens with Boll himself playing a guard outside a gas chamber that’s killing a large group of helpless Jews, the filmmaker became angry, claimed his film Darfur was better than The Hurt Locker, and said it was important for him to make a point with the first piece of marketing. Sadly, that point was lost as soon as Uwe Boll appeared on screen.

How About a Quick Tan with That Movie Rental? Looking for more out of your local movie rental shop? Sick of always having to, ya know, rent movies and leave? Well now you can get a tan while you peruse the comedy section for that copy of Night Shift that’s never in. According to The Hollywood Reporter, more than 3,500 independently-operated video rental stores have installed tanning beds in an attempt to save their business. Funnily enough, those same tanning beds now count for 40% of their monthly profits, which makes you wonder: um, why not just open up a tanning salon instead?

And Finally … The Saddest IMDb Profile Ever For most aspiring entertainment movers and shakers, it’s quite an accomplishment when you’re finally granted your own IMDb profile. Some would call it life-changing – an immediate sign of great things to come. And then there’s poor Anne Sellows, who in 1984 obtained her one and only official IMDb credit for appearing as – wait for it – the “woman who urinates herself” in the television program Threads. Stay strong Anne! At least it’s better than option number two …

Categories: WTF, Hollywood!?
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