Quick, Gather Around -- Charlie Sheen Has Issued a Statement!

Quick, Gather Around -- Charlie Sheen Has Issued a Statement!

Feb 03, 2011

Charlie Sheen is an interesting beast. He's probably the only celebrity who can do the most outlandish, perverted things and still wind up being one of the most watched (and beloved) TV personalities in the country. Part of this is probably due to the fact that his character on Two and a Half Men is a bit of a womanizing ladies man, and so seeing Charlie Sheen actually act that way in public, like, every day (with added drug use and a few drunk hookers thrown in to sweeten the pot) doesn't really offend the people who already enjoy that sort of behavior from the character they've grown to love by watching him on TV every week.

So while Lindsay Lohan can't sneeze without violating her parole, and Mel Gibson can't have a phone conversation without it leaking online, Charlie Sheen could probably film himself snorting coke naked while a trashy hooker hangs him upside down by his ankles, and the video would do nothing but earn him even more Two and a Half Men viewers (and probably an Emmy nomination). The man is indestructible -- a real-life Hollywood mystery -- but for some reason he's being forced do what all celebrities do when they royally screw up their lives: release a statement.

Ah, "the statement." A bunch of words written and critically analyzed by a group of publicists whose sole job it is to smile while the world is coming to an end. Remember that pretty girl in high school who spoke to you once at length when she was running for Class President -- pretending to be your bestest friend ever --  and then never spoke to you again after that? Yeah, well she grew up to be a publicist, and she's probably the one who wrote this silly little statement before it was shown to Charlie Sheen in between jello shots off a stripper's backside.

It reads: "I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people. I want to say ‘thank-you’ to my fellow cast members, the crew of Two and a Half Men, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros., especially Les Moonves and Bruce Rosenblum for their concern and support. And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much. Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, ‘thank-you.’"

No, thank you Charlie Sheen. Keep up the good work!

Categories: WTF, Hollywood!?
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