Porn stars, Watchmen reveals & Anaconda 3

Iron Man 2

What Do You Have to Say for Yourself? Was Terrence Howard fired because of money? Is Don Cheadle really in? A Marvel rep says there will be “clarity soon.” Which is code for: “We’re waiting to see how pissed off the fanboys are.” That’s your cue, kids.

Star Trek

Generation Gap Old Spock: dignified. New Spock: douche. The difference? The eyebrows. Nimoy’s didn’t float halfway up his forehead.

Spider-Man 4 & 5

And the Villain Is … Sam Raimi drops hints that “one day the Lizard’s story will be told.” Will it be in 4 or 5? Or both? A spinoff? I’m happy as long as they stay away from Hydro-Man, the lamest of all Spidey supervillains. If you want someone who can manipulate water, call the Wonder Twins.

The Girlfriend Experience vs. Role Models vs. Zack & Miri

Basic Instincts You can watch stick figures having sex at this Z&M site. Role Models offers a boob-themed card game. But Steven Soderbergh trumps them both by casting real-life porn star Sasha Grey. If I were still an 18-year-old horndog, I’d be super-excited about all this skeezy news. But now that I’m older, I have to pretend it’s beneath me.

Inglourious Basterds

Yes, It’s Really Spelled That Way The first photo of Brad Pitt as Lt. Aldo Raine is here. And here’s a vid from the set. Finally, proof that this damn thing is actually going to happen, stupid title and all.

Quantum of Solace vs. The Watchmen

Spoiled String these 25 Quantum clips together and you’ve seen pretty much the whole movie. Read this Watchmen screening report and you pretty much know how it ends. Back in my day, a movie had a trailer … and that was it. No teaser, no second teaser, no international trailer, no red band trailer, no clips. And fanboys didn’t post typo-filled rants minutes after walking out of a secret preview. Aren’t you glad those days are over?

The Haunting in Connecticut

Bailout Lesson to be learned from the trailer: If a dead boy’s evil spirit insists on hanging out in your basement, leave the house. Don’t worry about your mortgage. Just walk away and let the government deal with it.

The Odyssey

Back to School I really meant to read Homer’s epic poem when it was assigned in junior high. And high school. And college. Now that it’s going to be set in outer space and star Brad Pitt, I might get around to it. Just don’t ask me to write an essay.

The Soloist

Release Date Depression When a studio pushes back the opening of a movie with two Academy Award-winning actors because it can’t afford to spend a ton of dough on advertising, you know the economy has gone to hell. But be honest – were you really that excited to see a sappy flick about a homeless dude with a cello?

Anaconda 3

Snakewatch David Hasselhoff delivering a passionate monologue about snakeskin boots isn’t enough to make you run to the video store right now to rent this brilliant straight-to-DVD sequel? It’s the Hoff. It’s giant CGI snakes. What is wrong with you?