OMG that pasty Twilight guy isn't wearing a shirt! Plus, the return of Buffy.

A Couple of Dicks

Dickin’ Around You may not believe this, but Seann William Scott is the seventh-funniest actor alive, just behind Paul Rudd. This is my ranking system, and you can’t argue with it. If you insist on arguing, put Role Models in your Netflix queue and then get back to me. The new Kevin Smith movie will star the erstwhile Stifler as a guy named The Shit Bandit. For that alone, I will be there on opening weekend.

New Moon

SPF 70 Is So Sexy It’s hard to underestimate the appeal of a pasty white guy without a shirt on.

Wonder Woman

No Wonder It is a sad day, my nerdy horndog friends. Megan Fox has ditched the idea of playing the Amazon superheroine. We will never get to see her wearing this.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Remake

A Remake of the Movie That Inspired the TV Show! How can they possibly improve on what is undoubtedly Luke Perry’s finest work? At the very least I demand a “old Luke Perry meets his younger self” cameo. It worked for Spock in Star Trek.

Alien Prequel

Alien vs. Zzzzzz Please just stop. The world does not need an Alien prequel. I don’t need to know the Alien’s backstory. I don’t need to be told what horrible thing his Alien parents did to make him socially maladjusted. He’s an Alien. That’s what they do.