So now that he's done being Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger
has apparently decided
to return to acting. The 64-year-old entertainer whose body has seen much better days hasn't decided which film he'd like to do first, so in the meantime we'll simply sit back and ask, "Um, why?"
Seriously, why Arnold? The only reason anyone ever actually liked watching Arnold Schwarzenegger in a movie was when he had four lines and spent most of the time blowing things up. All his attempts at comedy failed (yes, even Kindergarten Cop was ridiculous -- so sue me!), and so our fondest memories of Arnold are of him firing an automatic weapon at terrorists while we at home tried to determine which guns were bigger: the ones he was holding in his hands, or the ones on his arms.
Now, at 64, Arnold will be forced to either do what Sylvester Stallone is doing and inject a ridiculous amount of steroids into his system so that he can pretend to be the action hero he was 30 years ago, or he can do movies that rely completely on his acting ability. And, um, considering the fact that we never knew what he was saying half the time through that thick Austrian accent, I guess the only thing we have to look forward to is the number of times moronic filmmakers try to fit the line "I'll be back" into his dialogue just to get a cheap laugh from an audience who gave up on the guy back in 1988.