Maybe it’s because Halloween arrives at the end of the month, but the weird, wild and wacky have been in full force this October. Is the change in weather bringing about a change in pop culture? Did summer make us dumber? If so, how long before we get our brains back from the zombies munching on them over in the corner? Here, then, is just a taste of who I deem to be October’s Most Moronic … so far.
The Moronic Part: On October 27th, Michael Jackson will rise from the grave for a documentary called This Is It (working titles included This Is Our Way of Making Our Money Back), which will feature a whole ton of otherwise worthless footage of Jackson rehearsing for the London concert series that never happened.
Hollywood Impact: Concert promoter AEG is estimating the film to gross a whopping $250 million in only five days. I don’t know what they’re smokin’, but I’ll take some.
Victim(s): The hard-earned cash in your wallet. A Jackson CD on iTunes will be cheaper and it won’t force you to wear 3-D glasses.
The Twilight Numerologist
The Moronic Part: Numerologist Glynis McCants spends way too much time adding up the numbers in the Twilight release dates, insisting that they're the reason people are so drawn to the movies, not a shirtless Robert Pattinson.
Hollywood Impact: Look for some sleazy Hollywood movie producer to hire McCants for viral videos foretelling successful release dates for Saw 17 and Paul Blart: Yup, He’s Still a Mall Cop.
Victim(s): You, for wasting your time watching that video. You know you did.
The Moronic Part: In an attempt to land their own reality show or a movie or book deal, a family in Colorado clowned the entire country when they claimed their young son accidentally took off in their (actually boy-free) homemade weather balloon, which news cameras followed for hours.
Hollywood Impact: Once these idiotic parents are brought up on charges, look for some sleazy Hollywood agent to try to get them their much sought-after reality TV show deal. Or, hey, maybe a TV movie of the week starring … the Jonas brothers?
Victim(s): Balloons … no one will ever be able to hold one again without hearing at least one stupid Balloon Boy reference.
The Moronic Part: In an attempt to claw his way back into America’s consciousness for the first time since that TV show I can’t remember the name of (no, 2001’s direct-to-DVD sequel Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure doesn’t count), Bronson Pinchot randomly decided to pull a page from Dustin Diamond’s book and offend almost every big-name actor he’s ever worked with (to what, let people know he’s worked with big-name actors?) in an interview with the A.V. Club. Not only did he call Tom Cruise extremely homophobic, but Denzel Washington was “so vile” and Bette Midler was “a bitch.”
Hollywood Impact: Aside from the fact that Mr. Pinchot's days of working with Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington and Bette Midler are lonnnng gone, one imagines he’s still waiting for that Lady and the Tramp 3 direct-to-DVD deal to land on his doorstep right about … never.
Victim(s): Members of the Beverly Hills Cop fanclub (“He was so cute and funny in that movie!” cried AxelFoleyFan789)