Lindsay Lohan Gets 90 Days in Jail
After dodging more bullets than Bruce Willis in a Die Hard
movie, Lindsay Lohan’s latest parole violation has finally landed the actress a jail sentence
. Lohan will spend approximately 90 days in jail before heading straight to a 90-day in-treatment rehab center, Currently Linds is doing the smart thing and staying home (and maybe prepping her new lawyer
) instead of hitting her scheduled parties
this week. If the entire world could collectively point their fingers at Lohan and go “ha ha” like that kid Nelson from The Simpsons
, I’m convinced it’d be the fastest way to world peace.
Betty White Wanted for Twilight Did someone say Betty White? Why, yes … now can we please shove a brick down their throat? Never did I think I’d find a 90-year-old woman to be this annoying, but I can’t be the only one who’s sick of Betty White being slammed up our nostrils on a daily basis. It’s like the press have nothing better to do than go to a junket for the new Twilight movie and ask the cast – not anything about the movie or their characters – but about whether they want Betty White to star in the next Twilight movie. Really? Is this how far it’s come? Betty White for Twilight? What’s next – Betty White for Miss America? Betty White for the NBA Draft?
Warner Bros. Claims Harry Potter Doesn’t Make Money
Yeah, and I’m married to Megan Fox and we own a farm of flying pigs. A leaked Warner Bros. accounting report
surfaced this week claiming Warner Bros. actually lost over $167 million on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
. Problem is, the film grossed almost a billion dollars at the box office, so how, exactly, do you LOSE money in that situation? Thing is, you don’t, because those numbers are in all likelihood false. Some suggest the studio “re-adjusted” the numbers so that they wouldn’t have to pay people owed money on any back-end deals (meaning they stood to earn a paycheck once the film made a profit). But, see, if the film doesn’t make a profit, then those people don’t need to be paid. Good job Warners – you’ve managed to come off sleazier than a mini-skirted Twi-Mom smokin’ cigs outside the midnight screening of Eclipse
James Bond Is Dead Actually, James Bond is dead broke. That is, the people that finance and help distribute James Bond are dead broke. And, as such, our favorite secret agent won’t get any more screentime for a good long while … or until some sugar daddy comes along and bails MGM out. That means no more Bond, no more exotic locations, no more exciting, larger-than-life action sequences, and, most importantly, no more hot Bond girls. Drats, and just when I was looking forward to signing another Betty White Facebook petition.
Breaking News: Mel Gibson is a Racist
The Jews of the world all breathed a sigh of relief recently after it was revealed that actor-director Mel Gibson also hates black people
. Gibson was allegedly taped by ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva during one of his (now infamous) 30-minute-long racist rants (of course, it comes out now that police doubt her credibility
, believe it or not). He apparently used those 30 minutes to win a contest in creative name-calling, dropping words like “you look like a f**king pig in heat," “I hope you get raped by a pack of n***ers” and “I’m going to burn the f**king house down.” Yikes. Someone woke up on the wrong side of normal.