Fan Rant: No, 'The Lion King 3D' Will Not Ruin Your Childhood Memories

Fan Rant: No, 'The Lion King 3D' Will Not Ruin Your Childhood Memories

Aug 29, 2011

Surfing around online this morning I came across a post on Gizmodo from a girl named Alyssa who is pissed at Disney for re-releasing The Lion King in 3D, claiming (in her title) that Disney is "shitting all over my memories." While the image of Mickey Mouse taking a dump on Alyssa's high school yearbook is amusing, this post is just another example of a random movie fan claiming their childhood is somehow ruined because Hollywood is taking an older film and reviving it in some way, be it through 3D conversion, a remake, a sequel, or what have you.

Aside from the fact that The Lion King being in 3D shouldn't upset you unless you're a parent whose kids are forcing you to watch it on a continuous loop to the point where you're eating, breathing and shitting that f**king "Hakuna Matata" song, there are other holes in Alyssa's argument. First off, no, The Lion King 3D didn't ruin your childhood, and it couldn't ruin your childhood unless the film invented a time machine, went back to when you were 8 and killed everyone in your family. I take it that hasn't happened yet.

Then there's this: "It takes away the authenticity of the experience and reminds me that this was not just a fun Disney flick made for my viewing pleasure as a kid. It is a money-making vehicle for the man."

So it took you this long to realize that Disney is a company that creates content to make money and not just for the purposes of entertaining you? I don't call that "exploiting" your "precious childhood memories for profit" -- I call that growing up, becoming an adult and realizing that, yes, companies are out to make a profit. And while you were enjoying The Lion King in that 8-year-old magical bubble of yours, guess what Disney was doing: They were re-releasing Special Editions of all their classics on video for limited amounts of time so that parents could claw at one another for a copy of Snow White on VHS before they sold out. I know this because my sister has 15 of them in some closet collecting dust.

Oh yes, long before Donald Duck vomited on your prom dress Alyssa, Disney was exploiting their vault for profit. When you were 8 years old they were exploiting their vault for profit, and when you're dead they'll still be exploiting their vault for profit. They've always been doing it. You just never realized this until you grew up, joined the Gizmodo staff and decided to become the 47 millionth person to write some cutesy rant about how 3D is torturing your inner child.

The only thing that should be torturing your inner child are those memories of that one-night-stand you promised your 14-year-old self you'd never have. Not The Lion King 3D. If it bothers you that much, don't watch it. Disney isn't replacing all copies of The Lion King with 3D versions -- they're simply re-releasing it in 3D in order to take advantage of a hot trend in a rough economy, just like every other Hollywood studio is doing.

Here's the thing: Your childhood memories of watching The Lion King will always remain the same. Growing up and learning about the ways in which the Hollywood system really works is like finding out at twelve that Santa doesn't actually exist and you acted like a moron since birth. That's just what growing up is all about. You learn things about the world that you would've never understood when you were just some 8-year-old whose biggest concern was which doll to hold while watching The Lion King for the 157th time that week.

So instead of writing some dumb rant about how Simba ate your nostalgia, why not find that 8-year-old in your family and introduce them to The Lion King for the first time. If you're too jaded to watch it in 3D with them on the big screen, then you have many different options on video, like the movie itself on VHS, DVD or Blu-ray, or the Two-Disc Diamond Edition, the Two-Disc Platinum Edition, the Four-Disc Diamond Edition, The Lion King Trilogy Eight-Disc Combo, or the Disney Special Platinum Edition Collector's Gift Set. Enjoy!


Categories: Geek, Features
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