How 'Friday the 13th: The Game' Gave Me New Appreciation For Dumb Horror Movie Co-Eds

How 'Friday the 13th: The Game' Gave Me New Appreciation For Dumb Horror Movie Co-Eds

May 30, 2017

Slasher movies are notorious for their clichés. The cars that won't start. The jock who tries to fight the killer and fails miserably. The genius who runs up the stairs instead of out the door. The groups of co-eds who split up when they could so, so easily stick together.

Those are the kind of clichés that horror movie fans lovingly see play out. Inevitably someone's stupidity, their brashness, or their bad luck is going to result in a memorable bit of face time with a masked maniac. Plus, there's a bit of Monday Morning Final Girl'ing you can do as you observe all the dumb things characters do knowing that if you somehow magically found yourself sucked into a horror movie, you'd never, ever make those mistakes.

Well, the new Friday the 13th: The Game sucks you into a horror movie. In it you play a counselor trying to survive a camp attack by Jason Voorhees (who is controlled by another randomly assigned player). The path to survival is hard and complicated. You can fix and fuel a car or boat, but it's a pain. You can call the cops, but first you must find and fix a phone. Forget about killing Jason because that's borderline impossible. 

So, after tragically expending more than a few counselors' young lives (RIP) in the digital woods of Camp Crystal Lake, I've come to a surprising realization. Maybe those horror movie co-eds aren't as dumb as I once thought.

 

"Let's all stick together, this time. Team work makes the dream w-- Oh, s--t, there's Jason! Everyone scatter!"

You know how in a horror movie everyone realizes how bad the situation is and yet they split up anyway? It happens pretty much every single time in Friday the 13th: The Game. Jason shows up and suddenly everyone's an Olympic sprinter.

Hiding Under Beds and In Closets Really Can Save Your Life

Having a character hide in a not-so-hidden spot is a great way for a horror movie to build tension. It's also a viable path to survival. Jason may see you run into a house or cabin, but once you're in there his supernatural senses aren't as useful.

While Jason was chopping down the front door, I once ran into a bedroom, opened the window to make it look like I jumped out then clambered under a bed. I held my breath as Jason stalked into the room, surveyed it, spotted the open window, and stormed back out the front door. It was one of many, many moments that a horror writer couldn't have scripted better.

 

Escaping Is Hard When You're Scared

Getting one of the two cars hidden around the camp to start is tough enough. You've got to find the battery, the car keys, and the gas. It's a real group effort and it seldom comes together easily. Imagine my elation, then, when my fellow counselors and I successfully got the car working. We eagerly piled in. I was in the backseat as our fearless driver hit the gas. Survival was in sight!

Until she rounded a corner and immediately crashed the car into a tree like some dumb horror movie co-ed. Jason sensed it all, showed up, and promptly ripped someone's jaw off. 

But Accidentally Killing Your Friends Is Super Easy

There's always an extra bit of tragedy in a horror movie when some person shaking with fear reacts hastily and gets an innocent person killed. Not only has this happened in-game, but in a glorious moment that came with its own movie-worthy jump scare. No horror master could have staged it better.

The car seats four people. We'd finally gotten it running. Three of us were in it, but Jason was closing in, so we took off before the fourth could arrive. This driver was calm and in control, unlike the last one. The bridge to town was in sight. And then that fourth counselor BURST out of the woods right in front of us.

The driver tried to swerve, but still plowed into the poor girl, killing her instantly. The scoreboard understandably marked her cause of death as "Betrayed."

The three of us made it out of Camp Crystal Lake that night, but after treating our friend like a speedbump, can anyone really call that surviving?

 

Living Life As An Unkillable Killing Machine Is Kind Of A Burden

It's hard to accurately aim a throwing knife in the dark. Killing those darn teenagers is exhausting. They’re unpredictable. They run over their own friends with cars. They never stick together. They're loud and leave radios on in cabins just to piss you off. 

On the plus side, if they do manage to temporarily knock you down, those idiots will often stand around and celebrate long enough for you to get back up and finish the job.

 


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