Fanboys geek out, Angels & Demons debuts and a good old-fashioned orgy

Fanboys

Inside Jokes You don’t have to be a fanboy to dig this trailer. OK, sure – it helps. If you see this flick on opening night, prepare to sit in a theater with a bunch of sarcastic virgins.

Angels & Demons

Good & Bad First, the good. Or at least the pretty good. Well, it’s tolerable at least. Fine, the trailer’s pretty mediocre. But whatever. Here it is. Now, the bad. This allegedly clever “viral” site is nothing more than a picture of a bomb with a clock. It doesn’t even do anything. I’ve been staring at the damn thing for 10 minutes. Clicking it. Mousing over it. Nothing. Man, I have a lot of free time.

Halloween 2

Please, No More Michael A sequel to a remake that nobody watched in the first place takes “unnecessary” to a whole new level. It’s time the United States government started regulating the movie industry. The next Congress needs to pass a law that requires a movie to make at least $100 million to justify a sequel.

Valkyrie vs. The Reader

Because Iraq War Movies Are So Last Year In a new Valkyrie trailer, Tom Cruise tries to make Hitler die laughing with his eyepatch, while The Reader preview teaches us all a valuable lesson: Cougars can be totally hot in the sack, but sometimes they’re guilty of horrible war crimes.

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

But What’s It About? Described as “Like The Big Chill, but with an orgy at the end,” this movie has perhaps one-upped Zack and Miri Make a Porno in the awesome-title department, despite the egregious lack of a hyphen. Bonus: it co-stars Don Johnson. Because, really, if you’re gonna have an orgy, at some point, Crockett is going to show up.

Slumdog Millionaire

Prepare to Weep Normally, I hate heartwarming crap, but I dare you to watch this trailer without tearing up a little bit. If anyone sees this flick with me, I warn you: I may give you a hug afterward.

Justice League vs. Batman

Never Gonna Happen Chris Nolan explains why you’ll never see a storyline from one of his Batman movies intersect with the planned Justice League flick: “Superheroes simply don’t exist.” Jeez. Keep this guy away from the kids waiting to see Santa at the mall.

Spider-Man 4

The Musical! They hired a fancy-schmancy Pulitzer Prize winner, David Lindsay-Abaire, to do the script. Strange item on his resume: He wrote a couple songs for Shrek the Third.

Boondock Saints 2

I Love the ‘90s Back in 1999, director Troy Duffy made a Tarantino-lite crime flick that managed to become a cult hit. Then he sabotaged his career by acting like a world-class A-hole and pissing off Harvey Weinstein. He never worked again. Until now. BTW, go back and check out Overnight on DVD. It’ll teach you all about the hazards of being a world-class A-hole.

Joaquin Phoenix

Retired A starter list of other actors who should seriously consider hanging it up: Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Nic Cage …