Charlie Sheen Episode IV: There's Really No Hope
When we last left off, Charlie Sheen had left a hospital in New York after being treated for massive amounts of drug use and scaring hookers. Once back in Los Angeles, apparently Sheen did not stop his partying -- with RadarOnline reporting that the actor continued to party with hookers and do so much cocaine that a "close friend" said the actor would most definitely die this week. Yeah, thanks, friend! E! News later followed up with a report from Sheen's manager who claims things have been blown way out of control, and that when he went to check up on the actor this past Sunday at his home, he was just chillin' on the couch watching a little football. What he failed to mention was that four porn stars were locked in his closet at the time. Okay, we kid, we kid. Sheen's manager did say that he will be at work on Tuesday to continue filming the show that allows him to be the highest paid actor on TV. Gotta love the Hollywood system -- if you scream, yell and curse at other people, you're shunned (see Mel Gibson), but if you scream, yell and torture yourself and hired hookers, then that's totally cool so long as we can watch new episodes of Two and a Half Men before bed.
Amidst all this hard partying and flat denials, Sheen has reportedly filed for divorce from his wife Brooke Mueller after being married for only two years. We're not sure if "mass amounts of hookers and cocaine" were mentioned in the divorce papers, but those are some of the most clear cut irreconcilable differences that we've ever seen, like, ever.