Welcome to Case of the Mondays, a weekly post that takes a look around Hollywood to see who's having the worst day.
At some point we may start asking whether this whole thing is part of some elaborate (yet brilliant) prank on the entire world of entertainment, and when we realize that, no, this is the real deal, then ... um, yikes. Talk about witnessing a celebrity car crash in slo-mo every ... single ... day.
Yup, Charlie Sheen is back in the news again, stealing precious TMZ time away from Lindsay Lohan and other random fame whores like Kim Kardashian's ass. With Two and a Half Men canceled for the season -- and Charlie Sheen not getting paid $2 million per non-existent episode -- the actor has taken to the airwaves to unleash the craziest, most non-sensical celeb outburst we've seen since Mel Gibson woke up this morning. During a round of television interviews with ABC and NBC -- as well as a live interview on TMZ -- Sheen called himself a "drug" ("I'm high on Charlie Sheen"), offended pretty much everyone he works for ("I’m not angry, I’m passionate. It’s everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back, and I’m just going to forewarn them that it’s everybody else that’s going to be begging me for their job back”), and officially declared war on his bosses at CBS, who have since banned him from the Warner Bros. lot where they film Two and a Half Men ("We’re definitely at war. The war is that they’re trying to destroy my family. I take great umbrage with that. Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock”).
Not long after all those fabulous quotes hit the net, Sheen's publicist Stan Rosenfield dropped the actor as a client, saying he's "unable to work effectively as his publicist." Meanwhile, Sheen says he's going to sue CBS for halting production on the show, which, in all likelihood, will not be returning next year with Charlie Sheen involved in any capacity. This thing is now nastier and uglier than the STD Sheen's last porn-star girlfriend was carrying, and it doesn't look to be going away anytime soon.