The Bullock Saga Rages On; Who's a Real-Life Basterd; and Which Star Is Turned On by Office Supplies?

The Bullock Saga Rages On; Who's a Real-Life Basterd; and Which Star Is Turned On by Office Supplies?

Mar 24, 2010

Is Jesse James the New Tiger Woods? After apologizing to wife Sandra Bullock for cheating on her with a life-sized tattoo, more women are beginning to sneak out from behind the curtain – with each being that much more skankier than the girl before her. The latest is Melissa Smith, a stripper who’s been arrested for a DUI and for beating up a cop – both of which were two separate incidents. Oh, and did we mention the sexual harassment suit he settled back in 2007, while he was still married to Bullock? Good job Jesse, you make Tiger Woods look like Sandra Bullock.

Basterds Star Turns Out to Be Real-Life Bastard Actor Michael Fassbender lit up the screen in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds – leading to an Oscar and all sorts of additional movie roles – but behind the camera his first order of business is to stay 100 yards away from his ex-girlfriend. She filed a restraining order alleging that Fassbender got drunk at a film festival this past summer, woke up in a puddle of his own urine and then proceeded to throw her over a chair, breaking her nose. Talk about a hangover I wouldn’t want to experience the next day.

Kevin Smith Bashes Critics Instead of owning up to the fact that Cop Out actually, um, wasn’t that great of a movie, director Kevin Smith went on a Twitter tirade, accusing critics of ripping apart his film because … they saw it at a free critics screening? Maybe if he spent more time on his filmmaking and less time Twittering we would all just get along.

Another Popeye Movie? Really? There’s always been something a little off about Popeye, and now we get to be reminded of that weird, muscle-bound spinach freak with a speech impediment and an anorexic girlfriend since Hollywood is bringing him back to the big screen as a CG character and in 3D. Let’s just hope the kids don’t think steroids spinach will help them beat up the school bully. Go to the bathroom? Yes. Beat up bully? No way.

Twilight Stars Can Reduce Skin Cancer According to cancer experts, the pale skin of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movies may lead to kids emulating them, and, therefore, lowering the risk of those same kids getting skin cancer because, ya know, pale skin is in. Next up: Biting your neighbor to death and then drinking his blood is a great way to lose some weight!

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Biggest Turn On: Office Supplies! Just when you thought it was impossible to snag a girl as beautiful as Jennifer Love Hewitt unless you're as handsome as Jamie Kennedy comes this ridiculous revelation: the girl gets turned on by Staples and office supplies. She says, “I love being organized. It's the folders and the tech … [Staples] is a place to take me if you want me to get hot and bothered." Good grief – if your local Staples is suddenly fresh out of printer paper, red magic markers, plastic garbage bags and Jennifer Love Hewitt blow-up dolls, please alert your local authorities.

Categories: WTF, Hollywood!?
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