Watch: Meet the Man Who Writes All Your Favorite Movie Novelizations

Watch: Meet the Man Who Writes All Your Favorite Movie Novelizations

Jul 30, 2014

It’s controversial opinion time. If you want ham and cheese, there’s Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. If you want a quietly menacing (and believable) depiction of a cannibalistic serial killer, there’s Brian Cox’s Hannibal Lecter in Manhunter. With his sonorous voice, gleaming wit and Scottish brogue, the versatile actor has has made his mark in a number of films, from popcorn flicks (X2: X-Men United) to Oscar winners (Braveheart).

In this Funny or Die skit, Cox plays esteemed author William St. Bromms, who teaches a master class on how to write the perfect novelization of a film. He recites excerpts from some of his greatest novelizations to inspire his students, which also leaves us in hysterics.

“Indiana Jones is money. He’s running. He’s running from the rock. ... He sees the men and the stick knives, and he’s scared,” Cox’s Bromms tells us regarding his Raiders of the Lost Ark adaptation. The overly simple and obvious prose gets a bit unhinged from there. “Buildings! Buildings! Buildings!” makes up Bromms’ Manhattan novelization. And then there’s Boogie Nights: “This guy is doing the girl. You can't see his boner, but it's in her. You can see her nipples.” Cox’s Manhunter gets a little shout-out, too.

We can envision Cox as Bromms finding a career in audiobook narration à la Samuel L. Jackson’s Go the F**k to Sleep. Can someone make that a reality, please?

 

 

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