Confession time: I’m not really looking forward to James Cameron’s Avatar.
Is that illegal? Can I be arrested? Will an angry mob of fanboys freely spew evil venom comment spam at me until I transform into some wretched basket case afraid to leave the house for fear of being attacked by giant blue aliens? I hate to be the dude who rains on your electric neon blue parade, but as much as 20th Century Fox shoves this film down our throats, it still hasn’t impressed me beyond the following sentence: “Wow, so James Cameron made a pretty cool-looking video game cut sequence.”
Really, you’re telling me that THIS is the film that’s supposed to change the way we watch movies forever? What if I don’t want to change the way I watch movies? What if I like not having to stare up at a 53-foot-high IMAX screen watching stuff fly at me while wearing annoying glasses and eating popcorn really fast so that I can use the bag to vomit in because, well, who the f*ck wants to watch movies like that?
But maybe I’m just being hyper-critical here, and Avatar really will turn out to be something special. After all, James Cameron and his massive ego have spent the good part of a decade working on the film and its special effects – waiting for the day when enough theaters would come equipped with 3D projection so that he could unleash the beast in spectacular fashion. What that’s meant for us, of course, is nonstop marketing – from an extended trailer screening in IMAX theaters to interviews on CNN, 60 Minutes and MTV to countless TV spots and trailers and images and posters – it’s almost as if we’ve already watched the film in little bits and pieces.
I'm spent. Done. I've officially overdosed on Avatar and the film still doesn't hit theaters for another few weeks. It’s almost to the point where it feels a little pushy, ya know. I mean, what’s next? Some dude in a suit gonna show up at my door and calmly escort me to the nearest theater … or else?
Wait, hang on, someone’s knocking …
And Now, a Brief Not-So-Distant Timeline of Strange Blue Creatures in Popular Culture
– The Smurfs make their debut in a Belgian magazine called Spirou
before re-appearing in the 1980s in animated form on a television series from Hanna-Barbera. They’re small blue creatures who live somewhere in the woods and obsess over berries. What’s not to love?
– During the classic drugged-up children's film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,
the character Violet decides to eat an Everlasting Gobstopper which accidentally transforms her into a giant blueberry. Yeah, not so appetizing.
– In order to rally his troops in the film Braveheart
, a bizarre creature by the name of Mel Gibson decided to smear his face in blue war paint because, ya know, that’s what they did back then.
– In James Cameron’s Avatar
, the visionary filmmaker created an alien species called the Na’vi – all of whom are giant blue aliens who are rail thin (where are the fat aliens, huh Cameron!?), speak their own language and look absolutely fantastic in 3D (we hope).