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Sure, some of us expected this to happen sooner rather than later, but according to reports Ashton Kutcher has been unfaithful to his wife of five years, Demi Moore. Rumors that Kutcher cheated on Moore with a blow-up doll resembling his own Twitter account are not true (though don't you wish they were?), and as of now the couple is standing tall together, apparently ready to brave whatever publicity storm is about to head their way. Ever since these two social media-hungry lovebirds got together, we've been itching for it to end badly. C'mon, admit it -- you knew this would happen eventually, once the Lindsay Lohan stories became boring and clichéd. She's 47 and raising kids, and he's 32 and starring in annoying camera commercials with various hot chicks draped all over him. Did we really think these two were heading for happily ever after? In Hollywood, five years is like 50 years, so we should congratulate these two on making it this far and just get on with predicting which young starlet Kutcher will woo once he gets the hell out of dodge.
In the meantime, though, they're remaining strong and vigilant, which we all know is the first stage of Hollywood Marriage Destruction. Next we'll hear about some cocktail waitress in Montana, then we'll get quotes from some Las Vegas stripper who claimed she kissed Kutcher one night three years ago, and then things will get interesting. Until then .. anyone know who Tiger Woods did last night?