Who's in It: Rick Gonzalez, Wanda De Jesus
The Basics: The 21-year-old son of a deceased drug dealer (and, sadly, he is not named "Tender") has to get all Chuck Norris on the bad guys who are gunning for him and his mother. See, Mom kept it a secret from the boy for over two decades (he's a scholastic genius but never questioned why they had to run away in the night every few years), but now the boy must become a man and the big guns are out and everyone's shooting everyone, even the Mom, who's enough of a badass that she can fire two of them at the same time while screaming, "You want me, MFs?!" That scene alone is worth the ticket price.
What's the Deal? Some TV movies are too big for TV. They need to have lots of R-rated swears and people being shot in the face and gauzy moments of humpty-hump. And you're thinking, "Well, that's why there's HBO." But see, some TV movies are too big for HBO even. And when I say "big," I mean "stone-cold stupid." The only place those kinds of entertainments can call home are major studios like Universal, a safe haven where, thank goodness, there's an outreach program in place to collect and distribute really awesome stuff like this that would normally languish away on the Island of Misfit Straight-to-DVD Releases.
What's Great About This Terrible Film:
1. All the shootouts happen in the fanciest neighborhoods imaginable, and no one calls the police.
2. Nudity for no good reason.
3. Conversations that could lead to reasoned plans of action are always cut short by someone saying, "LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!" This is good because reasoned plans of action might lead to less shooting, and that's all this film has going for it. Well, besides that brief nudity.
Do They Give Oscars for Best Hard Glare of Anger By an Actress? Because that's what two-fisted Gun Mom Wanda De Jesus deserves for her portrayal of a lady pushed to the edge of sanity, a woman whose only desire is to protect her son and give him the space to grow one of those weird little wispy mustaches and to learn how to become a vigilante killer.
Best Trend: People in movies watching old episodes of El Show De Iris Chacon. They do it in El Cantante, too. Hope she gets a little check out of the deal.