The Bogus: Air Bud
There’s a box in my brain that contains all of the things I hate. There’s a picture of Nathan Lane on that box. Somehow, the producers of Air Bud found a portal to my brain, opened the box and assembled this movie from its contents. This movie haunts my nightmares.
If you are unfamiliar with this film, I ask that you start with the trailer. First, make sure all guns are removed from the home. Briefly, it involves a lonely and ineffectual boy who is upstaged by his basketball-playing dog, Buddy. That fact that the dog is even allowed to play basketball leads to incredulity, if not madness. Now back to the trailer: we see glimpses of the dog shooting baskets (it has a better average from the field than Jordan) while the townspeople cheer. We hear an opposing team’s coach yell, “Someone cover that dog!” Good point, but it’s much harder to box out when you’re being mauled. We are then treated to dialogue that includes, “Does he dribble?” “Nah, but he might drool!” This, in my mind, would yield endless safety violations, but never mind. Did I mention that all of this action is set to the “Y’all ready for this?!” music track that is heard during sporting events and my rampages across the globe? This movie knows nothing of basketball, teamwork, pet care, or humanity; it is the definition of bogus.