Who's in It: Donald Sutherland, Forest Whitaker, Marcia Gay Harden, Linda Cardellini
The Basics: Guns are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad.
What's the Deal? OK, class, now that we've all seen Crash and learned about how racism is wrong and how everyone is racist and how we should all be ashamed of ourselves, now it's time to watch this movie about how guns are never right to have under any circumstances, ever, because you'll die. DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU! WILL! DIE! SERIOUSLY!
How It's Like a Slasher Movie It's about guns, so you know somebody is going to be shot. Hopefully more than one somebody, or why did you buy a ticket, right? The problem is, unlike in a slasher movie, not very many people bite it. C'mon filmmakers! It's about guns! You'd think you'd want to kill some more folks to, you know, prove your very important point about how awful guns are.
Who's Good: Marcia Gay Harden as the grieving mom of a Columbine-ish kid who killed himself. She's an outcast in her town and she's pretty tough here, refusing to make herself more sympathetic and likeable.
Heavy-Hand-O-Meter: 10 out of 10. A perfect score of lame.
Now Watch: Oprah Will Join in and Tell Everyone to Go See It And Compare It to Citizen Kane: And it'll win the Oscar for Best Picture next spring.